The date that you were married may still hold a special place in your heart and in your mind. When that once-so-special date draws near each year, it may be impossible not to think back to that special day of “I Do” that turned out to be “I Don’t”.
Let’s be honest: It’s likely you will feel sad as well as an array of other emotions. But, should you commemorate the day?
You may choose to retrieve your wedding video or wedding album for a walk down memory lane. If you have not already read our book, “How To Bury Your Spouse Without Committing Murder” then this will be a new concept for you. It’s not such a bad thing to remember the good times.
But, do whatever feels right on your anniversary. A little voice inside of you may say that your marriage is in the past and it is better for you to forget it, so keep yourself distracted. You are welcome to totally ignore the day. If you do this be on the lookout for emotions that are buried and brewing deep inside of you. It just might be better for your health if you actually shed the tear instead of holding it back.
Acknowledge that your marriage served a purpose, but so did your divorce so do not fret too much about the “whys”. Remembering the “whys” stir up feelings of anger, sadness or blame. The bigger perspective is: If you could turn back time, would you? Our guess is that your answer is “no”. Our reason for this guess is that you are not the same person that you were when you said “I do”. You have evolved. You have learned lessons. You have emotionally grown.
So, if it’s your anniversary and you are asking yourself the following:
What went wrong?
Instead of a question mark, start ending these questions with a period giving it some finality. Then, start forgiving yourself for the fact that your life is taking this unexpected turn. Do what is best for you. Do what is best for your children. Love yourself for who you are and for what you have (or wish to) become. (Truth: You could not have changed your ex. There is no way to change someone. You cannot love someone into being a better person. Avoid spending your time after the divorce waiting for the change or waiting for glimmers of hope. It’s quite possible that your ex is content being who they are and that’s okay.)
The first few years are always the hardest. But, as the years pass by, you may eventually find that you have forgotten all about the date. You may just stumble upon it.