1.        You think you can fix your partner. 

     They promised to change and they didn’t.  You know that all your partner needs is a little extra push in the right direction and the results of this push will make everything great.  Stop!  You are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness or for anyone else’s discord.  You cannot fix your partner.

     By trying to help someone be a better person, you may actually be enabling their behavior without even realizing it.  Leave the counseling to a professional.  You can try to help by suggesting that your partner go to a marriage or relationship counselor with you. But, in doing so, you must let go of this notion that you can fix him/her or make your partner into a better person.  It is hard, and I get that, especially if there is any sort of substance abuse problems or other addictive behaviors in your relationship.  You have probably seen glimpses of how wonderful your partner can be, if only….  You cannot hold on to that and you need to let go of saying “I’ll be happy when he/she….”.  Life is too short. You should be happy NOW.

2.       Repeating patterns are the theme of your relationship. 

     You were promised that something is going to change.  It does change for a while and everything is great!  Then, slowly but surely, the behavior or issue creeps back up into the relationship.  Whether it’s abuse, addiction, specific patterns of fighting, etc., there needs to come a time when you realize that this is not going change.  The pattern repeats only because you let it repeat.  When it’s time for a change, you have to be ready for it.   The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior.  Sometimes, hard decisions need to be made. Let your heart guide you and you will make the right decisions.

3.       You are happier without your partner than with your partner. 

     I am not saying that you are miserable with your partner when you are with him or her.  However, maybe you have noticed a sense of peace, being calmer or happier when you are without your partner. You need to pay particular attention to this.

     It may be as simple as you feeling very stressed or uneasy when you are with your partner due to fighting or other issues, and when you are without this person, those feelings subside.  However, if you noticed that even when there is no fighting that you are finding ways to avoid being home with your partner, this is a cue to step back.  Assess the relationship with a magnifying glass.

     Life is not about feeling the need to find someone to make you whole or better, but rather finding someone who you enjoy spending your time with.  It’s about finding someone who you love and who loves you, and someone who the thought of growing old with excites you, not scares you.

4.       Your friends have noticed a change in you. 

     Ok, let me be clear.  Not all of us listen to the advice of our friends 99% of the time when it comes to LOVE.  Romantic love is personal, don’t you agree?  That being said, your friends, your true friends, will notice if you are unhappy.  This is a cause for concern.  Why are you unhappy?  Does it have to do with your partner and your life at home?  Do you think it’s fixable?  Can you save the relationship?  These are questions only you can answer – no one else.  However, your friends and family can be a great sounding board for you to bounce ideas off of, open up to new ideas or shed some light on how you may feel.  

     Sometimes, we need that kick in the ass to get ourselves to wake up!  It can help you to figure out how you feel and to recognize that you don’t have to feel this way forever. Remember, life is too short to be anything but happy!

5.       You have finally realized you deserve to be happy. 

     Yay!  You have finally recognized your value, your worth, and your desire to be happy!  You will be happy and you do not need a romantic partner to make you complete.  Know that you cannot force someone to respect you but you can refuse to be disrespected.  You can learn greater self-respect and walk away from anything that does not help you grow and anything that does not make you happy- whatever that situation may be. 

     You never need to be apologetic for wanting to be happy.  Please, please, please do not stay with someone just because you do not want to hurt him or her.  Put your own self-worth first or else no one else will see your potential and honor it.  You do not find worth in a partner.  You find your worth within yourself and then find someone who’s worthy of you. 

     Putting yourself first is NOT SELFISH, it is necessary.  I know I have been in past relationships where I have been hurt.  I have been hurt more than once, and that made me doubt myself.  Making the same mistakes, whether it’s twice or ten times, does not make you the problem.  It makes your choices a problem, and that you can change with a little bit of self-love work.  Be open to new love and do not push the good ones away!  LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO BE ANYTHING BUT HAPPY!  Put yourself first, because, as we always say at divorce buddha, Love Begins With You!!!!