As we each suffer through the personal negative feelings of our respective lives, we often lose sight of the fact that the people around us are likely experiencing similar feelings as well. This should provide us with some comfort, knowing that we are not alone in the way that we feel – to know that we are in fact not crazy but are just as ordinary as the next person.
Yet, there are days when knowing its “normal” is not enough. It can feel as though one is lost at sea or stranded on an island – no raft, no food, and no one to talk to.
Have you ever felt lost?
There are moments in our lives when we take stock of where we are and it is not where we had imagined.
Am I in the right job?
Am I where I thought I would be?
Where am I going?
How do I get to where I want to be?
Can I start over? “I really want to start over!”
We all feel lost at one time or another. But, divorce can make this feeling of being “lost” exponentially worse and more difficult to overcome. It can make it harder to get past (harder to let go of). After all, it is difficult to trust the unknown. In a way, Divorce asks you to do just that, to trust the great unknown.
Divorce, by its nature, contributes extra questions and doubts to your “lost” feeling, including those about status, parenting, finances, romantic love, etc. It includes more questions about “What do I do now…about our children, about the house, about the pets…?” Feeling lost is tied to the feelings of loneliness, helplessness and a general feeling that there is a loss of direction, or perhaps, momentum.
It forces one to question what they want to change. Perhaps you want to change everything! Maybe nothing feels right and you wish that you could magically have a new life. Well, when you find that magic pill – let us know. But for now, it’s just you and your feelings! Mano y Mano.
Are you shaking your head, saying, “Yes, you got me, this is how I feel.” If so, then your new objective is to come out of the negative-talk haze (that you’ve been hiding in) and take action!
1 – Find a new rhythm. What do we mean by this? Well, if you dislike your job then maybe you commit to applying to two new jobs per week. Or, if you dislike the condition of your home, then maybe you commit to tackling one area of your home per week. Think of a solution and be consistent, which means that you do not have to conquer it all at once. You only have to be consistent.
Whatever your new rhythm is, keep a consistent steady pace.
2 – Stop and listen to what you are telling yourself. Pinpoint just a handful of positive things in your life and mindfully repeat them to yourself. Consciously speak more positively to yourself.
3 – Do not act in haste. Talk to someone, not necessarily to get their opinion, but to talk through your situation out loud. Putting your thoughts into words helps you to sort through your concerns, prioritize your worries, and come up with solutions.
4 – Think of something, an activity that makes you feel like yourself again. It should be something familiar and comforting. It could be painting, dancing, going to the beach, etc. Do that thing that guarantees a good time for you. This will help you to forget your worries and thus will provide your mind with a bit of peace from your self-doubt (lost) talk!
Read and then re-read this list. But, most of all, put it into action. Create a momentum.
Also, always remember that you are not alone. Contact friends and family for help and treat your negative emotions as temporary – do not give them roots to grow.
Love begins with you!