Whether you were the one who filed or you were the one who was served with papers, one thing is for sure – divorce can bring out the worst in anyone!
Divorce is stressful and there is a lot at stake! You know the saying “Desperate times call for desperate measures!” Most of you will or have felt vulnerable and scared, or angry and resentful, at some point during this divorce process.
Divorce can turn otherwise good people into bitter, anger-filled monsters. So, the first step is to be conscious. Consciously navigate your path during this journey and be conscious of what it is that you want when the curtain falls. Be conscious of your efforts and responses, and of your behavior and your actions.
The “divorce battle” is addictive because you will find yourself in survival mode. How did ancient man survive? When a lion approached and threatened his existence? Well, he switched to “fight or flight” mode. These are our deepest primal instincts. As human beings, we are highly reactive, and when we feel attacked it triggers our responses to “survive” the divorce battle.
This must be undone during your divorce. So, the second step is to set yourself free from the “fight or flight” response; release the resentment and anger, or otherwise, you will be the one that suffers. There are ways to let it go and let it out that do not involve screaming at your spouse or trying to get the best of him or her. I refer to this quote a lot, and for good reason; “Holding onto resentment is like drinking poison hoping the other person will die”. Why hold onto your hurt thinking that it will hurt someone else? It is the truth. You will find strength by rising above the tit-for-tat squabbles.
The third step is to be the person that you would like your spouse to be. Treat them the way you would like to be treated, even if they aren’t changing their ways. There is an insurmountable strength in being your “best self” even when your partner isn’t. You are no longer the victim. You are strong and confident and acting like a reasonable adult. We, at divorce buddha, believe that meditation, yoga and deep-breathing exercises will help you become and stay centered more and more every day.
Most aggression comes from vulnerability, and vulnerability comes from fear. The Ego is fear-based. No matter what anyone says or does to you, remember that their actions are just an act of fear and a cry for help. Always remember this – misbehaviors are simply a cry for love. You don’t have to be in love with someone to show love toward that person. We can be loving those who have hurt us. No matter how bitter the divorce, or how mean your spouse is acting towards you, try to love.
Love them because you recognize the spirit and light in them is the same that is in you. Love them because you recognize that they are hurting and their actions are simply their way of saying that they need love.
Remember, love begins with you!