Ok, so the divorce is underway. Maybe you have been married a short time or a long time – it really doesn’t matter. One thing is for certain – you each came into the marriage with friends with whom your spouse then befriended. So, which of your friends will take sides? Do you expect your friends to take sides? Do you assume that everyone will take your side and that your ex will be left all alone? Well, think again!
There is such a thing as getting “custody” of a friendship (or of a specific group of friends) after your divorce. And yes, it may hurt to see someone that you have trusted throughout your married years spending time with your ex and providing your ex with a shoulder to cry on. Naturally, and before you know it, you don’t trust this “friend” as much and you two (or three) start to drift.
You may be wondering how to stop this from happening. Well, to be honest, there’s little that you can do. This is how the ball bounces. You will unfortunately see people in a new and different light as they “choose sides”, so to speak. You will discover aspects and personality traits of your friends that you never knew existed. The best solution is to concentrate on YOU. Take the time to learn about this whole new divorce world you have entered into – with possibily fewer friends, but with the knowledge and comfort that the more meaningful friendships HAVE stuck around.
When I lost my husband, my best friend, and my closest friend, I made lots of new friends because I was open and willing to be outgoing (not my usual introverted self- and it felt great!). I allowed myself to become emotionally exposed. Even though I was betrayed so badly it was almost as if my trust gene was reset. And, in a way, it had to be! I had this open heart, an open mind and i did not blame myself. The fact that I was left with fewer friends did not make me a bad friend. It did not define my self-worth or my future. I had decided at that time that whatever I put out into the universe I would get back ten-fold.
So, please do not worry about the “custody of friendships”. The friendships that were meant to last WILL, and then ones that reached their expiration date will fade away like the chalk flowers my daughter draws on our driveway after a summer rain…..let them go and welcome new and better relationships into your life. You have to believe to receive.
Love begins with you.