Ask yourself: What are my motives?
Throughout the day ask yourself about your underlying motivation. Are you doing what you are doing for selfish, manipulative or fearful reasons, or are you doing what you are doing with good intentions? When going through a divorce, we sometimes behave in a way that may not make us feel good when we lay our head down on the pillow at night.
Sometimes we let fear or anger be our motivation. When we feel angry, we do and say things we don’t mean, but we think it will make us feel better by hurting someone else. But that is not the motivation we need to make us be better people.
Your decisions must have a purpose. That purpose must be for the greater good. Remember this even if it feels that you may be “losing” by letting something go, or by allowing your former spouse to have something that you just don’t want them to have. In fact, being the “bigger person” will make you feel better about yourself. Don’t lose sight of the fact that in this world we are accountable for only one person’s actions – our own.
Believe it or not, sometimes by being the first person to be understanding in a volatile situation, it will help the other person let their guard down and possibly learn from your behavior. Thinking through a situation before reacting is a great way to become more conscious. “How will this decision or action affect how I feel about myself?” This is a great question to ask yourself before deciding to do or say anything. After all, in this world, what you are seeking is a more expanded version you; a greater version of you. Self-love is the first and last love you will ever truly experience. Just as anyone else in this universe deserves your love, you also deserve it just as much.
“It is a man’s own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil way”– Buddha
Ask yourself: What are my intentions?
Your intention is crucial to the results you are looking to receive. If your intentions are set high, your life will flourish and you will see great results. In marriage, we often have pre-conceived notions of how life will be. We have ideas that society has placed in our heads about how marriages should be, and we decide on what we want the other person to be like in order to achieve the marriage results we want.
But that is not reality, and we cannot control what anyone else does in this world. We can only control how we perceive what happens to us and how we react to it. It may sound cliché, but it’s the truth.
You are the only one in control of your actions and you cannot control anyone else’s actions.
It is actually very simple. I know it may feel like your world is crashing down on you at times. And, maybe some days you feel like you have it all under control. It is a roller coaster ride. I understand how that feels. But to truly be happy after this is over (and it will end one day) you want to look back and say, “I did the best I could at the time given my situation”.
Make conscious decisions with good intentions.
Putting it into action:
Maybe, when you want to send that nasty text, or do something you know will ultimately annoy your former spouse, you can stop, think, and decide if that will really make you the person for which you want to be remembered? Ask yourself, WWDBD? (What would divorce buddha do?) Think about what your options are when you are faced with a decision. Then, say out loud each of the options. Listen to your own voice. Think about each response. When you hear it out loud, it will change your perspective a little, and make it sound more real. And, it will be real if you act on it.
What would you want your children or friends to hear about you? What would they say about the decisions you have made during this divorce?
Never make a decision thinking that no one will find out about it.
Buddha says, “Can you hide from your own mischief? Not in the sky, Not in the midst of the ocean, Nor deep in the mountains, Nowhere.”
Love begins with you.